My Name Is Not April
Monday, August 16, 2010 at 8:00AM I've been havin' the weirdest dreams lately. And you know who's in all of 'em? Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It's always the same. He's my boyfriend, he comes over one mornin' to make breakfast but the fridge is empty. So we go to the grocery store to buy waffles - he loves waffles - and Hoyt is the checkout boy. He looks so cute in that little orange smock. But he won't look at me, it's like I'm not even there. He tells Jonathan how lucky he is to have a girl like me, how he once had a girlfriend with red hair too. And then a voice comes over the loudspeaker to announce a sale in aisle twelve. Jonathan starts screamin' about how boysenberry syrup goes better with Eggos than the maple kind, and then all of a sudden, he shifts into a werewolf, just like the ones I saw the other night. He goes runnin' out the slidin' doors and Hoyt looks up at me like I only just appeared at that very moment, out of thin air. He says, hello April. And I say, my name's not April, it's Jessica. And that's when I wake up. Every time.
Now I don't know what Jonathan Taylor Thomas has to do with any of this, besides the fact that I thought he looked cute in an old issue of Emily Frost's Tiger Beat Magazine that we stole from her big sister. But for some reason, it got me thinkin' about crushes. I had all sorts of 'em when I was human. But they were fun and flowery and full of notebook doodles and notes passed across the pews. Now that I'm a vampire, bein' attracted to a boy feels different. It's like a burnin' in my stomach, an insatiable itch. And even though it feels bad, like I'm breakin' some sort of law of nature, I can't help it. It's in me, down to my bone marrow.
It's kind of like that song from the musical we used to picket on the weekends, the one about all the people with AIDS. The women are tellin' each other they just wanna be themselves and for that to be okay, for that to be enough. That's how I feel. Bein' a vampire can be effin' awesome. I get to kick the shit outta werewolves, I can run fast (I mean REAL fast) and if I wanted, I could turn that little turd Summer into breakfast. And it sounds weird, but I never felt so alive in my life. But...havin' a crush on a human? Tryin' to have a relationship with a human? Sucks. Bigtime.
Maybe bein' a vampire isn't all that.
Reader Comments (180)
Jessica, I love you! and Jonathon Taylor Thomas, too...
I hope you too get back together.
I know you want him to be with someone he "deserves," but there's no one better than you for him. Any other girl is playing second fiddle to his true hearts desire, and thats you!
Are we talking young JTT or JTT now? Though I spose it's kind of weird to daydream about a young JTT at my age....... ;)
i remember Jonathan Taylor Thomas! "Home Improvement", right? he looks a bit like Tommy Mickens (or vice versa), does he not?
but i can't make sense of your dream, and why he shifts into a werewolf and complains about jam.
and Hoyt calling you April? maybe because his new girlfriend's name is Summer and you were in that seasonal-month name mindset?
geez.... have no idea.
thanks for sharing that with us, Jessica. you know Bill doesn't fight trying to be with lovely "human" Sookie... maybe you shouldn't either... give Hoyt a chance...?
Give Hoyt a chance [+1]
While you truly are a vampire, you're still only, what 16 yo ?
Stop thinking of Hoyt as a human, a member of a different race.
Think of him as a boy who's still into you.
On a different note. Did you watch TBBN ?
OMFG, I think you should not go to work a couple of days.
There are a bunch of vampire hating rednecks in Bon Temps who could be dangerous.
I would even suggest sleeping somewhere in the woods, because they could set fire to the Compton mansion.
Take Care Jessica!
Awww Jess, I know it sucks, but be a vampire is the best, sooner or later you will find a way to be happy with who you are, and Hoyt will become a good memory, you will be fine gorgeous, take care and keep practicing your skills, you have to stay alive. Love ya'
I think your dreams speaks alot for what your feeling inside. Your scared to love hoyt, and although you are very powerful, you some what feel that the were has more power over you than it seems. Your maker bill was scared he couldnt protect you, which gives you fear. So i think the dream sysbols fear. fear of love,fear of power and most of all him calling you april instead of jessica can be hate or loss. Only way to change those feelings is to do something about it. Tell hoyt you do love him and wish your lives could go on happy together like normal couples. And also confront all your fears. Look them dead in the eye and say i am more powerful and you will not take me . Your mixing alot of your past human life with your vampire life. But you yourself said it the best. Just be you... if being you is loving a human then dont be afraid. jessica your the sweetest baby vamp. Stay true to that or you will end up thousands of years old and bitter and alone.
Hoyt will see that Summer is wrong for him. You will prevail...maybe eat her together? Romantic :)
Hey Jessica, you need to be careful you need to not be getting involved with Tommy Merlotte he's dangerous and, besides, Hoyt's way better for you so don't waste your time on Tommy. On a side note, you and Hoyt should find a time and place to talk about maybe getting back together because I think that you two make an awesome couple. If you're going to tell Tommy that you're not interested, bring Hoyt just in case he goes after you. Good luck with everything can't wait for another post!