Lafayette, Lovers and Leftovers

Hey folks. First, I’d like to thank y’all for your generous input. I didn’t realize I had so many friends out there! This is a lot easier than just googling “how to be a vampire housewife” and sifting through all the crap on the internet.

So many of you - including Lisa Cheli, R.J., Andrew, and bite me - came up with the brilliant idea of microwavable dinners. Why didn’t I think of that?! Or more importantly… why didn’t HOYT think of that? katiln was right. Hoyt should understand how uncomfortable all this food stuff makes me and consider my feelings a little more. But still, there is one slight problem: Our microwave is where I heat up my Tru Blood. Call me crazy, but I don’t think I could stomach the residual smell of nuked mashed potatoes and chicken in there. And we just don’t have a crock pot, like Melinda and Dana Hilton suggested. I guess I could ask Bill for a housewarming gift, maybe one of those slow cookers, or an extra microwave? But I feel weird asking him for anything these days. I’m trying to make it on my own, you know? I don’t wanna come crawling back to daddy with my tail between my legs every time the waters get a little choppy. I’m sure sometimes I will, but I’d like to see if I can handle this one on my own.

I might have to try amber’s suggestion: bringing home leftovers from Merlotte’s. What does Lafayette do with all those extra biscuits at the end of the night, anyway? And he’s a lover, he’ll understand. If I explain my predicament to him, I’m sure he’d let me wrap up a few items before I go home if it means it can keep me n’ Hoyt together. If I haven’t screwed that up too badly already…

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Reader Comments (335)

Jessica, I think you have the right to ask Bill for whatever you may need. Afterall he wasn't the worlds greatest maker...he could have guided you and looked out for you a lot more than he did. *hugs* and best wishes to you hun :)

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie D

SInce Bill is the king and he's your maker, doesn't it make you the princess of the great state of Louisiana?
Take Eric's taxes and buy yourself another microwave...

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArik

well there is such a thing as drive throughs and such too, it wouldn't kill him to spend some cash occasionally on a junk food meal, just not too much, that can cause all kinds of health problems in the long run. Don't want that happen'n. But if you leave the microwave open it can air out a bit, it might take care of some of the mixed smells and such.
Oh but Sookie also just got a new microwave from Eric that she soooooo doesn't want.
And if ya go by there you could let Sookie know that a good way to take care of the nook that Eric built for himself in her house would be to get some quick drying cement and aply liberally....hehe. I like Eric kinda but having a nook like that in the house of the woman thats pissed at ya is kinda dangerous.
Oh and the next time protesters give ya shit, tell them that the symbol the church they like so much is using actually originated from PAGAN FEY WORSHIP such as the triple moon goddess Danu and other such trinities, the church came along and to convert the pagans to christians they "adopted" certain symbols and made them have christian symbolism. Look it up, It's historical. See how those sign holding dorks take that.

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLouise Eirwen




July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBIGDOG

I could give you my old microwave! It isn't like anyone uses it. Trust me, I can't cook either. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and he has already told me that if we get married that he will be doing all of the cooking. Just let him know that you aren't going to be that stereotype "housewife" and that you are going to need help with the whole cooking thing. Don't think that your relationship will end because you don't like the smell of human food. HOYT LOVES YOU FOR YOU! Everything will be fine. :)

I hope this advice helped. You are my favorite baby vampire!

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany D :)

I know you want to make it on your own, and I am so happy you are. But there is nothing wrong with
Going to Bill and asking for some advice.The Merlotte's idea is a good one. When I was a waitress I
brought food home all the time, I'm sure Lafayette and Sam would gladly help out if you explained your
situation to them. I know things between you and Sookie are very tense right now, but she does care about you and she only wants to help. I saw that Eric had bought Sookie a new microwave, maybe she could give it to you
since she obviously didn't want it. Hoyt should learn how to cook also, maybe the both of you could take a nighttime cooking class together, one that helps out vampire human couples. That could be fun.I really love you and Hoyt together.I got married at 21 and I know what you are going through trying to figure out how to live together and still maintain your independence, it is hard but I know that you can do it.I hope some of this helps you out. Love you Jessica.

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCandice

Oaths must be fulfilled and fell curses levied to those who would break them. The sacred bonds of trust and oaths of fidelity were tested and broken this night - as the mists foretold. I am no messenger, but hear me, all the troubles that shall meet you upon the path before you are well deserved. None trod from the path and keeps from the thorns its due - you are mistaken in thinking your lover a cuckold.

I would find it pleasing if the courts find it juste that I should deliver your sentence in time little vampire.


July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDullahan

Dear Jessica,
I love your blog first of all, and second i know what you're dealing with..
I dont know how to cook and everyone's expecting me to know different stuff and start cooking so i can find a husband. Whatever
My advice is this: The most easy thing you could cook is pasta. You just boil water and then add the pasta, wait for 6-9minutes and thats it. Add some cheese or whatever and its all good. So does with rice, only it takes a little bit longer to make.
Hmm, what else.. Also another thing that you can do is, put in the oven some frozen food, like meat or fries so you dont have to smell them or cut them or do anything that will make you grose(i dont know how its spelled). I think this will work for you cause its easy, fast and i know for sure cause, im a college student and i dont have much time to waste..
Umm, oh and another thing, vampire thing.. I dont know if anyone else has mentioned it already but, when you drink from someone you can close the wound by just taking 2 drops with your finger and spread it over there, and then glamor him to drink vitamin d and stuff

Hope this helps and everything be ok with Hoyt, he's such a good guy, hard to find one these days..

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRafaella

Jess, listen I dont know about Hoyt but I like lots of different types of food. Im sure you're the same way. If I was dating you I really dont have a problem with you drinking other people. People are food thats the way I look at it. HOWEVER, Sleeping with or any other kind of sexual contact would be cheating and something that would be wrong. I dont know about Hoyt, but if I ate the same thing every day for the rest of my life prob be a bit boring, same thing for you i dont doubt. Just dont CHEAT.

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Hey Jess, i think a second microwave would be good, you do know you can warm up those dinners in the oven, it actually tastes better too. Besides, if you sit a cup full of Bicarb Soda in your microwave and fridge that'll soak up the residual smell. Love you both from far away Australia. You'll find a way, you always do... and dont fret about Bill... in his own way he'll understand that it's hard at times to find your feet. You're the best! Say hi to Pam for me next time your at Fangtasia!

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTracey
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