Nowhere to Go

On my fifteenth birthday, after having dinner at the church with my family, I snuck out with a few friends. We said we were going to get some root beer floats at Linnea and Tony’s Diner, but instead we went to the park one town over, where the public school kids would gather with brown bagged forties and stolen vodka. I had never been before, but my friend Erica used to go all the time and she was introducing me to everyone. I forgot most of ‘em, but there was this girl there, Nikki... she smelled kinda bad, and her hair was all tangled. I think she did it on purpose, she called them dreadlocks or something, but it didn’t look so good. I asked where she was from and she said she was born in De Soto parish, but she lived on the streets now. When I asked her why, she said got nowhere else to go. Then she shrugged her shoulders, lit up a hand-rolled cigarette and smiled at me like I was the biggest idiot she’d ever seen. I never felt so sheltered, you know? I knew I was going home to my cozy little house, where my mama would be folding my underwear and baking fresh cookies or some shit. And although my daddy could be mean as a hell, I still had a roof over my head. Even after I was turned, I had the old Compton place. And then Hoyt and I had a home, all to ourselves.

But now? I really got nowhere to go. I wonder if Nikki’s still living on the streets or if she found herself a home. Or maybe home is just a feeling, and it doesn’t matter where your feet are. Maybe wherever you are, that’s home.

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Reader Comments (326)

Take heart, Jessica (and I don't mean that literally). Things do have a way of turning out in some form or another. Perhaps what the other posters have said is the best thing to do - go back to Bill's place. After all, in a way he is your home in your vampiric life. And it is like I always heard - "Home is where they understand you." And Bill seems to do quite a lot of that.

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStarDragon77

hei jess. we love u very much and even if u feel like bill or pam cnt help u, u can always go to sookie. uk she cares bout u just as much as anione else and im sure she'll give u the best advice, untill then stay strong, things will work out the way they are supposed to. lots of love

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

To heck with these people sayin, "Don't be too hard on poor Hoyt!" There is no excuse for that. I've been dumped and done the dumping, and the important thing is to treat each other with respect. Hoyt can't be respectful of you at the worst/end of times? Then he was NEVER respectful of you. Good luck Jess, and I hope you find a new home soon!

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElle Rose

Shack up with Jason honey! Hoyt will get over it! lol

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCasie

Everything'll be okay Jess. There's surely someone out there who cares about you enough to take you in. And if all else fails, you could spend a day or two in Buela's now empty house until Bill's not so busy. I see so much of myself in you. Teenaged baby vampire that fell in love with a boy who won't grow up, then cheated on him because you couldn't control your hunger, then fell in love with a man, but couldn't bear to break the boy's heart and instead he ended up breaking yours. :'( I feel for you Jess. I'm with you in spirit(or lackthereof)

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbabyvampabby

Where ever your heart is, is home in my opinion. If it's out on the streets or in some big mansion surrounded by life's comforts, that's home.

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRin

You can stay with me anytime, Jessica!

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndy.P

So glad you lived through the sun. It was amazing Jason saved you. Everybody keeps saying Bill's, but if you want to get on your feet and really figure things out, Sookie's your girl. You know she really cares about you and it's easier to go to another girl to figure things and talk them out. Jess, you are growing up so fast and just truly figuring this Vampire thing out. So go there she'll help you til you get on your feet and will always be there for you. I know it's been forever, but it's a waste of a friendship to forget about her.

As for Hoyt, he's angry and heartbroken and you've pretty much lost your bond with him from the blood. That's what made you guys so romantically in tune. Just figure out what you want first and then you can mend that if you want.

As for Jason, surprisingly he has grown up just as fast. Typically he would have taken you in less than a heartbeat, but it's just the blood making you both feel this way right now. You need to applaud his honor in both not taking advantage and his loyalty to Hoyt.

By the way I love your blogs. Insomniac and even though it's only once a week you really give me something to read and I love your videos. You are amazing and I'm glad you were added to to this big ole family of Vampires. You are my favorite.

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBaby Bit

go back to bill's, he will either let you stay there or help you get your own place. he would never leave you on he street.

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHampton

Jess. I think Jason is a great guy for you and you can tell his feelings are genuine, but you have to understand you just broke up with his best friend and now you want to be with him. Give him some time and meanwhile go to stay with Bill where it's safe.

August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLangster
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