Like You Mean It

Sometimes, back when I was human, I used to pray. The real kind of praying. I had to fake it all the time when my parents were around, but when no one was looking, real late at night, I’d clasp my hands together, get down on my knees and squeeze my eyes shut as tight as I could. I’d think so hard it hurt most of the time. I don’t know if I really believed that god would hear me, or that maybe just the universe would catch wind of it. I wasn’t praying for me or for something I wanted, it was more about reaching people outside of my little life. Hoping that some missing kid I’d seen on the news would be found, or people coming home from war would be safe, that the deaf could hear and the blind could see again.

And even though I’m getting a little tired of having to save Jason with my blood, since it’s mixing up all our feelings, making it hard to tell what’s real and what’s the blood, I’m real glad I got to give him his sight back. Maybe my prayers are coming true, or maybe some things really do come full circle. Not sure what that says about god, about me, or about vampire blood, but I think it says something about the universe.

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    True Blood - Babyvamp Jessica - Like You Mean It

Reader Comments (168)

sweetttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nothings all day long

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLevi

hi jessica,nice to meet you!
i come from HK.this's my first time to comment here~
i love your acting,keep it on=]

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristine_HK

Those with faith pray for lives to be saved. Those without faith go out and do it themselves.

Well ok... that was pretty harsh. Yes I know: there are plenty of people with faith that use their hands and knowledge to do good. But then it's their actions and not the prayers that do the good. Pardon me the outburst but I'm sick and tired of all those lazy buggers that do somethin' totally insubstantial and expect that lead to miracles. It won't.

- Closing your hands and asking your invisible friend to be nice to your sweethearts and kin will not make it happen.
- Forwarding an email will not make oppressing regimes see the error of their ways and suddenly stop terrorizin' men, women and children.
- Wearin' a fashionable red shirt for a day will not stop peaceful protestors from getting killed.

...and so on and so forth. There is a word for it that perfectly sums up this kind of ineffectual indulgence: slacktivism. I call it indulgence because that is exactly what it is: a way to grant yourself some peace of mind for all the bad shite that happens in the world while you are living in something something that for more than half the people of the world is considered Paradise!

The days for prayer are over. You don't have to feel bad about not being able to help any more. Now you can go out and be someone's personal angel or god(ess). And so you have done. Feel good about that Jessica, because that's what it is: good.

Just the other evening I was downtown and just relaxing, pretending to be human (you have no idea how annoying desperate fangbangers can be in the city... and haters accuse us(!) for having no restraint... sheesh!). Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement on the other side of the street: a baby-carriage was rolling out into the street, in front of a bus. The clueless mother doesn't even see what was happening.

Now I suppose I can't really blame her for freaking out... because when she looked back at the carriage she had looked away from, all she saw someone cradling it in a really awkward way, and holding down her baby (if I had just jerked it back onto the sidewalk by the handle, it'd have come off or the baby would have broken its neck against the front of the carriage). So there I was... getting yelled at by this total bimbo who had been one-point-two seconds from having to attend her baby's funeral. And I felt good. Really good. I knew I had done right, and nobody can take that away from me.

A few seconds later this police officer who had seen it all came runnin' over and set her straight. That's when it hit her what would have happened. I could see the momma shrink six inches and turn paler than me. So I just leaned my head slightly, put my hand on her cheek and said with the sweetest of honey in my voice: "Forget about it... it was nothing". A quick chat (read: 'glamour') with the officer too to make him look past it all... and I went on my way, feeling pleased as punch with myself.

That night, I(!) was the miracle... just as you have been for Jason. Don't you dare feel bad about that.

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSenine

I should have known things were going to get ever so complicated. I think that its awesome you have feelings for Jason and all but I'm beginning to wonder if it will just be the same vampire human relationship you had with hoyt and eventually it will lose its warm sparkly feelings within a year or so. Just something to think about. Being able to save him on the other hand is something you should always do if given the choice. Sam drank Bills blood and had the sex dreams and everything but eventually he let it go and never acted on it so that has to say something about Jason's feelings for you. Its a strong bond but it can be over looked if the person really wanted to and Sam resisted actually having sex with Bill. :P But Jason couldnt resist you. Although I would say it is true Jason has been sort of a man whore before but it does seem like the shit that went down in hot shot kinda turned his feelings towards casual sex the opposite since he felt that was a punishment for all his frivolous behavior. I hope all goes well and I hope to hear from you soon. WIshing I were a baby vamp right now~!!
FleurDeLaCour <3

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFleurDeLaCour

Array, you first joined the warm-up had been difficult. But you 're fresh blood for true blood.
jessica we love you! Greetings from Turkey ...

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKemaL

Jess, I hope you find peace, love and happiness. You are such a strong, loving, kind individual. I think it is sad that you have to endure the pain and heartache of finding someone to accept you for you. I don't believe Hoyt or Jason is your match. I think that individual is still out there waiting to be found. You have so much to give. Not only to one individual, but to everyone that surrounds you. You still have a lot to learn about being a vampire and I think prayer for yourself is not selfish. You need guidance and if you are unable to ask Bill, then God will listen. He has not foresaken you because of what you are. Faith is all I have. Everyone else has let me down and as of now, it sounds like the same is happening to you. Maybe faith is what you need. I don't know. Maybe give it a shot and see where it leads you. Much love to you!

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSometimesBlessed

i love that you and Jason are having a're perfect for each other so have fun with it.

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

So glad you made it out of the war against the witches alive! You are by far the best character on True Blood. Without you Season 4 would have been plain boring.

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVampy

Jess, you are amazing. Look, okay.. it might be the blood but I can tell that Jason's feelings for you is not because of the blood. He really does like you.

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

I think there's a chance you can fix the confusion now. Anyone is bound to get hurt by another's actions. It happens and will always happens and in any case it will bring you in a full circle to figure out things. It can go either way. It can be good or bad. How it's handled will determine if the full circle is good or bad in your life. Though I do not belive in God I'm sure that this figure you look to is listening.

September 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat
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