Vampire Sex 101

I missed out on sex ed, mostly because I was home-schooled and my parents wouldn’t have dared include that in my curriculum. But I had a few friends at the local junior high who said they missed out too. All the funding for arts, music, and apparently sex ed, got cut just around the time we were all hitting puberty. So there were a bunch of horny and ignorant teenagers (a terrible combination) walking around my town. But guess what? It ain’t any better now that I’m a vampire.

There’s no such thing as vampire sex ed. All the urges and the desires are amplified, times fifty, but there’s nobody to teach us about the best positions, the differences between having sex with a human versus another vampire, about protection… like, do we need it? Does that even apply to us? There’s so much to learn!

So I guess what I’m trying to do is open up the conversation. Now that I’ve had a little experience, I thought I’d share a few things I’ve picked up along the way with y’all. So here are some of my likes and dislikes, I hope it helps some of you out there!

My favorite way to do it? Wild. I like to let loose. Be a crazy vampire. To show how turned on I am and for that to turn my partner on even more. Submissiveness bores the shit outta me.

Where do I like to do it best? The couch. Beds are so expected. But the couch, it’s comfy and private, but still feels spontaneous.

What to do with those fangs? My ex-boyfriend was scared of ‘em. But I think a little fang nibble is hot. Besides, I ain’t gonna scratch you.

But what about those fang boners? I promise they get easier to control! Give it time, patience and practice.

What turns me on? Besides Jason Stackhouse? I’m not sure any aphrodisiacs really work on vampires. I’ve heard things about faerie blood, but that’s a whole other can of worms I don’t know enough about, really. What tends gets me going is talking. Give me instructions. Tell me what to do. Or just talk dirty, if you want. I like a man that’s got a lot to say.

And finally… can two people that are insanely attracted to each other really just be friends? Honestly, I just don’t know.

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Reader Comments (71)

Jessica, when you’re a new vampire you feel the need of doing things that you didn’t do as human because you were not allowed to do. That’s why you feel so horny!
For instance, I was a woman back in 12th century living in the religious society of Constantinople I had to be obedient to any man and even if I learned how to write and count I wasn’t allowed to have more education. That’s why, when I turned to a vampire, I became quite aggressive to men (vampires and humans) and I had the need for more and more knowledge!
But I have to say that this phase lasts only the first couple of decades since you become a vampire. Then, you’ll feel more normal, well, but you’re still a hunter.

June 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKassiani

I just have to say that i so agree with you about rough sex. I mean man does it feel good and I don't think theres any point in any woman's life time weather its decades or not that they aint gonna like it when a man throws them around. I mean I like to be passionate to but thats a rarity and only when you actually love the guy. And hell yea nibbling (fangs or not) is hott as hell and feels really good. Its a turn on. As far as protection goes if your with the sparkly twilight vampires apparently a guy vamp can get a human girl prego, but i don't really think you have anything to worry about. I would guess the difference between human and vamp sex is a vamp can actually take what you are giving him being a vamp yourself a human not so much but then again if they let ya you can have a lil blood. Oh and positions if you like it rough girl doggie style is the way to go. Well I guess i have ranted enough. bye girl


June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWiccan303

"And finally… can two people that are insanely attracted to each other really just be friends?" not in a million years my child :)

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermahler76


Though I have to agree with with humand can be interesting and as you put it fun, to me nothing is as rough and wild than with another vampire. you dont want to worry about breaking a vampire. A vampire can take and give just as much as you can and the roughness is at an entirely new level that is agreeable and you don't have to worry about leaving bruises and marks on your human mate.

We have not seen you with many if any vampire guys, maybe its worth a try, just a thought.

Your friend,
~ T ~

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTitania

Well and if we would not have boring characters like Terry, Arlene, Andy and so on, we could focus more on your devolopment. :(

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVampy

Hey Jess. I'm glad to see you're holding up okay in that department. :P It's not really something Bill could help you ought with (even if he was there). I think you need to just keep doing what you're doing, maybe with a couple vampire boys thrown in. After all, you're not a baby anymore. As for Jason, don't worry too much about it. He's a sweet guy, and he always turns out alright in the end.

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

are you guys insane!
talking to a fictional vampire as if she were real.
get a life people!

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhorrorman


I think you are handling your growing up well and you are maturing with every day...or night. Being there for Jason is good cause it means you are not just there to have fun. But, I gotta ask, you have the house to yourself again, besides the parties, what have you been up to?

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTimP

Hey Jessica! Are you still having a hard time with your virginity issue? I have a theory that maybe if you have sex with another vampire, that will fix it... Or maybe a fairy? Who knows.

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBritt

Jessica, i don't know what to do.
At first, sorry about my english, i'm brazilian...

I have this friend at the college, and sometimes we make out. And this is happening frequently lately... I'm afraid that i'm in love. So i wanted to broke up with him, but we are at the same classroom and i don't know if "being friends" gonna work. Because everytime we stay together, just me and him... you know what happen ...

Please, help me. What should I do?

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAgatha Silva
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