Vampire Sex 101

I missed out on sex ed, mostly because I was home-schooled and my parents wouldn’t have dared include that in my curriculum. But I had a few friends at the local junior high who said they missed out too. All the funding for arts, music, and apparently sex ed, got cut just around the time we were all hitting puberty. So there were a bunch of horny and ignorant teenagers (a terrible combination) walking around my town. But guess what? It ain’t any better now that I’m a vampire.

 

There’s no such thing as vampire sex ed. All the urges and the desires are amplified, times fifty, but there’s nobody to teach us about the best positions, the differences between having sex with a human versus another vampire, about protection… like, do we need it? Does that even apply to us? There’s so much to learn!

 

So I guess what I’m trying to do is open up the conversation. Now that I’ve had a little experience, I thought I’d share a few things I’ve picked up along the way with y’all. So here are some of my likes and dislikes, I hope it helps some of you out there!

 

My favorite way to do it? Wild. I like to let loose. Be a crazy vampire. To show how turned on I am and for that to turn my partner on even more. Submissiveness bores the shit outta me.

 

Where do I like to do it best? The couch. Beds are so expected. But the couch, it’s comfy and private, but still feels spontaneous.

 

What to do with those fangs? My ex-boyfriend was scared of ‘em. But I think a little fang nibble is hot. Besides, I ain’t gonna scratch you.

 

But what about those fang boners? I promise they get easier to control! Give it time, patience and practice.

 

What turns me on? Besides Jason Stackhouse? I’m not sure any aphrodisiacs really work on vampires. I’ve heard things about faerie blood, but that’s a whole other can of worms I don’t know enough about, really. What tends gets me going is talking. Give me instructions. Tell me what to do. Or just talk dirty, if you want. I like a man that’s got a lot to say.

 

And finally… can two people that are insanely attracted to each other really just be friends? Honestly, I just don’t know.