If You Love Someone, Let Him Go

I’ve only got a minute, but I wanted to write something down so I will always remember how I feel in this exact moment. I’m laying here, in Hoyt’s bed, and he’s sleeping next me, doing that cute little lip-curl-thing he does when he’s dreaming. It’s almost like nothing’s changed. Like we are back in love and never missed a beat. But at the same time, everything feels so different...

Hoyt’s touch is stronger; he’s more confident. When he looks at me, it’s more intense, like he’s looking deeper inside me than he’s ever looked. But he’s still gentle and tender and his same ol’ sweet self. I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but it really does feel like Hoyt had to leave just so he could come back again.

And it’s not only Hoyt – there’s a whole list of things that are starting to feel exactly like they happened just the way they were meant to happen. Like meeting James in that camp, and his kindness towards me. He was meant to bring me out of that dark place I was in. We were meant to be with each other just long enough so he and Lafayette could find each other.

Even Jason and I, finding the other in our safe little bubble and then coming back to Earth? Turns out he’s always been just what I needed – a good friend.

And Bill. He released me tonight. When he did, all his power – that whole ‘ties of our blood’ thing – it’s just not there. I’ve got this empty feeling in my gut – or at least I did at first – but now even that seems to be filling in. I feel a new power coming from inside of me – a strength that is mine and mine alone. Like I’m not a baby vamp anymore and that I really can stand on my own two feet.

Is this what fate is? Feeling like everything in your life was meant to be and you really have no control? Or is fate just an idea that lets you accept the things in your life you can’t change, and appreciate the things you can? If the latter is true, then there is still one thing left for me to accept. I don’t know if I can – but I owe it to Bill to try.