In a place like Bon Temps, you can't avoid the dreaded run-in with the ex. No matter how you prepare yourself for it, it's never going to go as smoothly as you hoped. He's never just going to say it's nice to see you, you seem good, and then be on his merry way. He will find the most irritating button he possibly can, and then push it like twelve times with a shit eating grin on his face that makes you want to sock him right in the kisser.
But you can't sock him right in the kisser, you know why? Because you're bound to see him again. Especially if he's got it in his head that he's some sorta fangbanger who belongs hanging around bars like Fangtasia, places that are supposed to be your territory and not his.
I've learned something very important from this experience: serious relationships will only lead to break ups, which will only lead to awkward and infuriating situations like this one. So I’m thinking it's about time to cool things off with Jason. Do I want to? No. He's got the most ridiculous abs. But I don't want to risk having two guys in this town I have to avoid. Bon Temps is wayyyyy too small for that. But sometimes we have to do things we don't wanna do. I guess that's the price you pay for living in a one-horse town.
The most obvious? Glamouring… hello! You can make humans do whatever you want them to.
Heightened senses! I could hear what Sookie was saying about Debbie Pelt and Tara all the way from Jason’s bedroom (where we were just talking, I swear - no funny business). We vamps can hear, see, touch and smell the shit outta everything. Our sense of taste is somewhat limited, but you can’t have it all, can you?
Investigative training? Who needs it… we’re already suited to a life of solving crime! Just ask Deputy Jason Stackhouse.
My seasonal insomnia is loooong gone. Now when I go to ground, I’m dead. I don’t have to worry about falling asleep.
Moving? Call a vampire. We can carry shit your regular Joe Shmo mover couldn’t dream of, and we don’t need any damn back braces.
I can text super-fast. Type super-fast. And read super-fast. If only I’d had that skill back in bible school…
And finally, my personal favorite, I don’t get cold anymore, or at least I don’t feel it. My body temperature pretty much stays the same. Which means I can wear these little bandage dresses no matter what the weather’s like outside. Pretty cool, huh?
Y’all got any fun ones?